The Dark Side of Ambition: Are You Chasing the Wrong Dream?

So, you've got your list of goals written out.

Now, we add the wrinkle that makes all the difference.

This part of the goal-setting exercise that's always missing, and it's the most critical part.

This part will keep you from achieving the goal only to say, "Is that it?" (which has happened to me too often).

If it has yet to happen to you, it will if you skip this step.

But I need to set the stage before I tell you what it is.

We are constantly being encouraged to dream about the future we want and to set our goals accordingly.

Now, there's nothing inherently wrong with dreaming or wanting.

It's the motivation behind the dreams and the wants that can lead us astray.

To illustrate this point, imagine you're on a road, and you come to a fork.

Down one path is a promise of accomplishment. You don't know exactly what the accomplishment is, but it's big. People will know your name, be impressed by what you've done, want to associate with you, and you'll be paid handsomely. But no matter how great it is, you will feel a void.

Down the other is a promise of fulfillment and meaning, but you have no idea what, if anything, you will accomplish. People may or may not know your name or anything about you, but somehow, you will experience tremendous satisfaction.

If we skip this next step in goal setting, our chances of choosing the first option will skyrocket. That's human nature.

Many of us have found ourselves halfway down that first road (or further), wondering if an off-ramp will take us back to the second road somewhere.

We've accomplished our goals, but the fulfillment we long for eludes us.

Why?

Because our motivations were off from the start.

We were solving for the wrong outcome.

The Bible says, in Philippians 2:3, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." It says this because the writer knows that our default way of being is the opposite. By default, we will do things out of selfish ambition and consider ourselves more important than others.

I once heard it said, "Our purpose is to please God and create value in the lives of others (serve them), but what we most often do is seek to please ourselves and have others create value for us (serve us)."

This is the inherent problem with most goal-setting advice.

Most of it encourages us, in our selfish ambition, to build our own empires instead of the Kingdom.

To put ourselves, our wants, and our desires above those of others.

To make everything in life about pleasing ourselves.

But we weren't created for the empire. We were created for the Kingdom.

No matter how much we accomplish, we long for more when we live for the empire.

We long for things to be as they should be.

We long for the Kingdom (even though most of us have never really thought about what it is).

Don't believe me?

Let's compare the two...

• Kingdom = Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control vs. Empire = Fear, anger, abrasiveness, chaos

• Kingdom = Always enough vs. Empire = Scarcity & never enough

• Kingdom = Wholeness vs. Empire = Fractured & fragmented

• Kingdom = Connection & community vs. Empire = Separation & isolation

• Kingdom = Serving others vs. Empire = Serving self

• Kingdom = Enjoys mystery & adventure vs. Empire = Demands certainty & perfection

• Kingdom = Collaboration vs. Empire = Competition

• Kingdom = Living in true identity vs. Empire = Living in a false identity

• Kingdom = Humility vs. Empire = Pride

• Kingdom = Optimism vs. Empire = Pessimism

• Kingdom = Rest & abiding vs. Empire = Striving & hustling

• Kingdom = Being to do vs. Empire = Doing to be

• Kingdom = Doing out of response vs. Empire = Doing out of requirement

• Kingdom = Transformation vs. Empire = Transaction

• Kingdom = Infinite game vs. Empire = Finite game

• Kingdom = Constantly looking outward vs. Empire = Constantly looking inward

• Kingdom = Giving & generous vs. Empire = Taking & stingy

• Kingdom = Building up vs. Empire = Tearing down

• Kingdom = Vibrance vs. Empire = Exhaustion

• Kingdom = Forgiving vs. Empire = Vengeance, retribution, and bitterness,

• And the list goes on...

Just reading the juxtapositions on this list reveals how much we all long for the Kingdom but have been brainwashed into building the empire.

And that is why our wants and dreams must be different.

That is why we must take this next step in the goal-setting process.

If we don't, we will, at best, find ourselves internally conflicted because we've reached our destination but aren't sure if we're in the right place.

And I want to help you avoid finding yourself there.

I have found myself there more times than I care to admit because I never had a process for making sure what I was pursuing had the right "why" behind it.

I created this exercise to prevent it from happening again and to help me think through what I'm trying to accomplish and why.

After all, if my accomplishments lead to a world that looks more like it did before instead of transforming it into what it was meant to be, that's no accomplishment.

If I am not intentional and thoughtful about what I'm pursuing and the why behind it, the natural outcome will be to chase after what my flesh desires instead of that which will build the Kingdom.

The world doesn't need any more of us to choose the first road. Nothing will change if we do.

It needs people who will choose the second road, trusting that it is only when we choose the road less traveled, the narrow road, that the world and our lives will begin to look how they are supposed to.

So, here's the next step in the process.

Take each goal you wrote down in the spreadsheet from the last challenge and, next to the goal, write down the motivation behind it (click here to download the updated spreadsheet).

• Why do you want to accomplish it? Is it for selfish ambition? Be brutally honest with yourself. If you're like me, you'll realize that there is far too often a hint of selfish ambition, and the Bible says that a little leaven leavens the whole lump. A little selfish ambition is all that's needed for our pursuits to become corrupted and the result of our achievements to be a counterfeit of what is meant to be! This is why the empire expands so fast. It doesn't have to derail us completely; it just has to send us a tad off course, and over time, we will end up at its intended destination instead of the one we set out for.

• If you accomplish it, will the outcome be that your life looks more like the Kingdom or the empire? What about the world around you?

• Are any of the motivators for accomplishing it listed in the empire list above (resentment, pride, scarcity, etc.)?

• Is the goal to serve you or others?

This is a difficult process for most, myself included.

Take health as an example.

If my goal for getting ripped is to get extra looks at the beach, that's empire. It'll give me a quick dopamine hit but will never lead to fulfillment.

On the other hand, if my motivation is to be strong and healthy so I can care for my wife and children and give them the most energy possible every day, that's Kingdom.

On that note, I added a sixth pillar to the goal spreadsheet.

The more I worked on my goals, the more I realized that time is a massive factor in the equation.

Back to the getting ripped example.

If my getting ripped requires me to put so much time and focus towards that goal that I neglect my relationship with God or my family, then achieving my goal is just me being a shill for the empire.

This is true even with a noble goal, like effectively pastoring a church. If doing so means sacrificing your family on the altar of your goal, that's empire.

Time is one of the ways we communicate importance and priority.

Where we spend our time (and our money) tells a lot about our true motivators.

So, if our lives are meant to be a conduit for the Kingdom to come to the earth (which is the case), the motivators and outcomes of our goals should reflect the Kingdom attributes listed above, not the empire.

We must know what the Kingdom is and what it isn't. After all, Jesus' core message was about the Kingdom!

I'm not here to say I have all the answers about what that looks like.

I am here to say that I've successfully applied many of the frameworks, concepts, and principles of personal development gurus to my life and business.

I’ve grown so much and am grateful for everything I’ve learned.

But I’ve found the key ingredient is always missing.

Their information can get you to what feels like the ten-yard line but never into the end zone.

You never get what you long for because it all started with the wrong end in mind.

The end is NOT money, fame, power, notoriety, or influence.

There are lots of people with all of those who are miserable, empty, and lonely.

The end IS the Kingdom!

It's a world and a life abundant in love, connection, peace, humility, optimism, giving, generosity, wholeness, and people serving each other - esteeming others more highly than themselves.

That's about as backward as it gets from what our culture tells us to go out and build.

And that's Jesus.

Everything He taught was backward to the nature of our flesh.

His Kingdom is an upside-down one.

So, this week, I challenge you to take inventory of your goals and be honest with yourself about whether your goals drive you towards your own empire or His Kingdom.

I have been doing this every week.

I have to!

I know all too well how easy it is to wander off into my own self-seeking pursuits and a life that only compounds the effects of the very thing it's supposed to be warring against (the empire).

Will you join me in taking this challenge? Not just today but every day.

We will not be perfect, but we will make progress.

And that's what the world needs.

That is what will upgrade the future!